The Pain That Nobody Believed ============================= Abby Norman spent years being told her agony was all in her head. We talk about the book that finally named it, and why medicine keeps doubting women. ---------------------------------------- SAM: Hey, welcome to 7 Minute Books. I'm Sam, and today we're talking about Ask Me About My Uterus by Abby Norman, a memoir about pain, disbelief, and one woman's fight to be taken seriously. Sophie, I have to ask, what stayed with you most? SOPHIE: Hey there Sam. Honestly, it's the sheer exhaustion of it. Abby Norman spends years in and out of doctors' offices, and the book is part memoir, part history, part furious critique of how medicine has treated women's bodies. It matters because so many people have lived this exact story. SAM: Yeah. And she opens with this scene in a college bathroom where the pain hits her so hard she's doubled over. She's in her early twenties, supposed to be invincible, and instead her body just turns on her. SOPHIE: Right, and that's the thing. It wasn't the first time. She got her first period at twelve, and even then she was told painful periods are just part of being a woman. So she learned early to grit her teeth and keep quiet. SAM: Which is such a damaging message. Because then when something is actually catastrophically wrong, you've already been trained to doubt yourself. SOPHIE: Exactly. And that's when the medical odyssey starts. She gets told it's a urinary tract infection, then told it isn't. She gets antibiotics that do nothing. One doctor suggests she just has a low pain tolerance and maybe should try therapy. SAM: That line got me. The idea that your body isn't the problem, your mind is. That's not a diagnosis, that's a dismissal dressed up as medicine. SOPHIE: And she names it. She calls it medical gaslighting, and then she does something clever. She traces it back to the ancient Greeks and the idea of the wandering womb, this notion that the uterus was a wild animal roaming around causing hysteria. SAM: Wait, so the myth never actually died? It just changed its vocabulary? SOPHIE: That's her argument. Hysteria became psychosomatic, but the underlying assumption stayed the same. A woman's pain is suspect, emotional, and untrustworthy. It's a through line from Hippocrates to the modern exam room. SAM: And she doesn't stop there. She goes into the history of gynecology, and it's brutal. The field was built on the bodies of enslaved women like Anarcha, Lucy, and Betsey, who were operated on without anesthesia by Dr. J. Marion Sims. SOPHIE: Yeah, and she connects that foundation to the present. Black women are three to four times more likely to die from pregnancy-related complications than white women. That's not a coincidence. It's a system built on disbelief. SAM: So by the time she finally finds a doctor who listens, you're almost holding your breath. And the diagnosis is endometriosis. Tissue similar to the uterine lining growing outside the uterus, bleeding and inflaming every month. SOPHIE: And it's notoriously hard to diagnose. It often takes laparoscopic surgery to confirm. When she finally has that surgery, it reveals her organs were fused together by adhesions, this sticky scar tissue pulling her anatomy out of place. SAM: So the pain was never an overreaction. It was the physical consequence of her insides being slowly cemented together. That's horrifying, and also weirdly validating. SOPHIE: It's a relief and a new battle at the same time. Because the treatment is often as brutal as the disease. She goes through hormonal therapies that put her into chemically induced menopause in her twenties. Hot flashes, mood swings, a profound sense of loss. SAM: And multiple surgeries, each one a hope for relief, each one followed by the creeping realization that it's probably growing back. I can't imagine the exhaustion of that cycle. SOPHIE: She writes about the exhaustion of being a good patient too. Having to be cheerful and compliant to receive care, while also being an expert patient who has to argue and advocate for herself. It's a double bind. SAM: There's also this really poignant thread about identity. Her uterus is the source of so much pain, but it's also the symbol of a future she'd imagined for herself. Motherhood, maybe. And she doesn't know if her body can carry a child. SOPHIE: And she refuses to pretend that's easy. She's angry, and she gives herself permission to be angry. She also writes about dating, about having to explain that sex might be painful, that her energy is limited. Her body is a minefield. SAM: That's such a lonely thing. And she connects it to the broader culture of chronic illness. She talks about the spoon theory, that metaphor for finite daily energy, and the guilt of canceling plans and the isolation of being housebound. SOPHIE: Plus the financial strain of endless medical bills, and this strange grief of watching your peers live lives of effortless health. And she takes aim at the wellness industry, which often puts the burden of curing disease entirely on the individual. SAM: Right, the idea that if you just changed your diet or did more yoga or thought more positively, you could heal yourself. She argues that's just another form of victim-blaming. SOPHIE: It absolves society of the responsibility to care for the sick. And that's a political point, not just a personal one. The book's title is a challenge, right? Ask me about my uterus. It's a refusal to be shamed into silence. SAM: I love that. She's tired of the whispers and the euphemisms. She's putting it all on the page so that other people can say me too. SOPHIE: And she doesn't offer a neat happy ending. She doesn't get cured. The pain is still there. But she gains a voice. She learns to navigate the world not as a broken body, but as a whole person who happens to be in pain. SAM: That's the real victory, isn't it? Not a cure, but legitimacy. She learns to set boundaries, to ask for help, and to extend compassion to herself. Her worth isn't tied to her fertility or her productivity. SOPHIE: Exactly. And the book is a masterclass in turning a deeply personal, often grotesque physical experience into a universal story about the fight for legitimacy. It's a call to arms for anyone who's ever been told their pain isn't real. SAM: So if you had to name the one thing you're taking away from this, what would it be? SOPHIE: For me, it's that being believed is not a luxury. It's a fundamental part of care. And we all have a role in building a culture where people don't have to fight to be heard. SAM: Yeah, that's it. The radical act of telling the truth, and the radical act of listening. SOPHIE: And if you want to go deeper, the whole library is over at 7minutebooks.com/app, with over 6,000 fiction and nonfiction titles you can read or listen to in any language. It starts at $2.99 a month, $9.99 a year, or $19.99 once for lifetime access. SOPHIE: This book reminds us that our bodies are not our enemies, and when they fail us, we must not fail ourselves. We'll see you in the next one.